After 9 months of living apart and filing for divorce and sharing kids and hating life, I see sometimes a small glimmer of happiness. The ups and downs are unbearable. All you want, all I want is to be loved again and appreciated. Not by just anyone but by my husband. The one who was supposed to be there for me thru thick and thin, sickness and health. I honored that commitment. He did not.
I fought hard all last summer, 2014, for my family and my marriage. Honesty was never a part of the whole picture on his side. I found out the whole truth this last summer. Ugly and painful as it was, and still is, I am glad to know the truth - I think.
I feel so alone. I feel so sad. At least I beyond the drifting aimlessly stage. My life is still in flux but at least I pull myself together and know I will be ok. I have to be for three boys who are counting on me for their love and stability. My heart aches for them with a pain so deep and real that I can barely breathe sometimes.
I pity myself, I do sometimes. I can't help it. I thought I had this life with three beautiful boys and a great husband. Turns out, he showed his true colors several times and I ignored them. I couldn't ignore them this time. I had to stand up for me and the boys and take no more.
I am strong. I will be ok. My boys will be ok. I pray every day to my heavenly Father and I know he has not forsaken us.
The days can be dark but there are some that are filled with bright light. I cherish those days and know they will come more and more.
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