Life can hand you lemons when you least expect it

Here i was, living my life so happily.  Going to school and helping out with my kids classrooms.  Doing yoga, cooking dinner for my family.  Keeping my home beautiful, all as a grateful mom of a husband who works so hard.  Then.....WHAM,  affair.  Anyone ever have that happen to them? Does it make you feel like your world just tilted off its axis? Everything you held dear and sacred all of a sudden up for grabs and unsure?  Well, that happened to me almost a year ago.

First,  SHOCK! Second, what can I do to make this right? It took me a long time to figure out that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my husband who was unhappy and did not know why.  Oh, of course, he blamed everything on me.   I am controlling, I try to fix him, I make him drink, I keep an untidy house, I don't have enough water in the fridge after he runs.....on and on I could go of the travesties bestowed upon me during this time.  And you know what? I took it.  I evaluated my life as a mom and wife and found myself lacking. So....I threw myself in full throttle.  Water? Check. Clothes laundered? check.  Dinner ready? Check.  House clean and picked up? Check.

You know what, I was chasing something that was not even the reason for the affair.  It took me a while to realize it was not me.  It was him.  Oh he came back after the yo yo-ing of 3 months and begged me to take him back.. I did.  With caution of course but I did.

Comfortability sets in.  Declarations of love sets in.  Black eyed peas at 12:01 a.m. of 1/1/15 is a reality.  Then, February 10.....I am done with the merry go round of trying. I am out of gas. I have not more to give.

What the fuck??????????? You don't have this you say? You who had the affair? You who kissed another woman??? You who bought another woman dinners????? While by the way I took care ofm the kids at home.  YOU?????? YOU????? Can't do this?????

I have tried to put those images of your make out sessions out of my mind.  And I am not stupid, it was more than making out. You swore on our kids lives you didn't have sex but you are a cheating liar. And yet you are the one who can't take it anymore.

Well, I have news for you.  I don't want you.  My kids, MY BOYS, don't need an example like you as a father as to how to treat a woman.  You told me last week, you don't treat me like you should.  As a man, and an example to your boys, you absolutely should be doing that regardless how you feel about me.  And you know what? I am a damn good mom! I am there and fun and crazy and compassionate and patient.  I am the shit!

I have news for you, I will not be played by or manipulated by you anymore.  I am my own wonderful woman and I will succeed in life with or without you. I told you that you are the cherry on my sundae, you accentuate my life.  But, that is it.  I can have my yummy sundae alone.  You are the one missing out on all that I have been and could be for you.  Unfortunately uou have pride and ass holey ways about you that don't allow you to actually act like a 40 year old.  Your loss.....