Healing is slow

The long....slow.....process of healing is happening but like I said, it is long and slow.  So many different stages and feelings and mourning.  I have started back to work full time.  It has been liberating in a lot of ways.  I feel more independent and stronger.  My support system is insane!  It is so wonderful.  I am truly blessed by all the people in my life who love me and my kids and support us.

I didn't choose this for myself so it has been hard accepting the way my life was turned upside down, especially the way my kids lives were basically destroyed.  The party who did choose it appears to be happy as a clam and onto GF # 3.

I have come to see first hand, the selfishness that occurs with the behavior that has been done towards me and that has been hard.  It has been hard because the kids are NUMBER 1 with me and ALWAYS will be.  The other party can say that all they want, but unless it is backed up with actions, it means nothing. I have been shown that so many times and I always try to see the other side.  I can finally say I am done trying to see that side.  It is no longer a side of that person.

That person is searching for whatever gives it the feel good of the moment, the here and the now.  Not the future because that person doesn't know how to look beyond today.

I look beyond today and know my future is bright and happy with beautiful boys.  If my boys are all I ever have, that is beyond enough.  I desire love again, I desire companionship but I am content because I know that I am there for my boys no matter what.  No matter who I am seeing or what plans I might have, I will drop it all in a moment's notice to be there.  Always.

God has our backs.  He won't leave us.  I have prayed so many times for God to shine his light in this persons heart - I have quit asking that.  God knows what that person needs, I don't.  So I just give the person over and that is all I can do.

Faith, love, my kids...that's all I need.