Tomorrow is a big day for me. I am having my tubes basically tied and I will no longer be able to have babies. I am so conflicted. And, kind of sad. And, kind of glad. Make sense?
Here's the deal. I have an endometrial polyp which causes constant issues as a woman, especially when you wear white. Get it?
So, in order to fix it I need to have an endometrial ablation which will make my uterus unable to carry another baby. So, I am tying my tubes in the process.
Sad.
No little girl in my future.
Then, I think, why am I sad when I have three perfect little boys who bring me the most joy I have ever had and will ever have in my life. I think it is just the fact that it is happening and it is so final. Final. Yep, final.
Sam just came in and we were visitng and he said "ok mommy" in the sweetest voice. He is almost nine and still has the sweetest voice. People may not get this but I have gone thru the mourning process of not having a girl. Yes, it required a mourning process. I always KNEW I would have a girl. A little girl who would hopefully be a great friend as well. My boys are my friends too but it is different. They are boys.
So, tomorrow marks a final passage in my life. It seems so strange. It was not that long ago that I started my married life and then the journey of motherhood and now the window of having children is closing, fast. I am allowed to be melancholy.
It is probably a wonderful thing that the timing of Miss Cora is this weekend as this will be a great diversion. Looking forward to her and our next chapter.
Wine is probably not helping this post :)
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